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By Michael Comstock
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Illustration by Allan Kukral
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The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) Web site has a thorough list
of items you can’t bring on an airplane, at www.tsa.dot.gov. You would expect
to see guns, mace, knives and other weapons, but it’s the unexpected items
that provide some real food for thought.
High up on the list are axes. Really, how many lumberjacks are flying these days?
The TSA lists hatchets, too. Maybe I just have more than the average amount of
common sense, but if you can’t bring an ax on a plane, why would anyone
think they could bring a hatchet on board?
Athletes of all types better check their bags. You can’t board a plane with
a baseball bat, hockey stick, cricket bat or pool cue. Come to think of it, if
a baseball or hockey player has a bad game, I’m glad he wouldn’t be
able to bring his equipment on board.
And of course you weekend ninjas know that throwing stars, nunchacku, swords and
other martial arts devices aren’t allowed on board. Thank God we’re
being protected from Medieval Japanese assassins.
We’re also being protected from the most vicious and evil flyers of them
all — little boys. These spawns of Satan are just waiting for the day to
take over with their plastic squirt guns and Transformer toys. Neither is allowed
on board.
Some of the items on the list are laughable. Some were never allowed on a flight
even before the current level of heightened caution. So if you have any questions
about something you plan to carry on an airplane, check the list. You won’t
get your stuff back if they take it. And it will only make you look stupid. 
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